Welcome to my new Web site (hint: this is actually a parody) - Bob Schaffer on the Issues. You have to hand it to the Democrats. . . they noticed that not only was I not talking about the issues in my race for the Senate, but that I also don’t even have an Issues section on my Web site, and they got right to work. They created this new Web site to show Coloradoans where I stand on the issues.

Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I'm doing so well when it comes to the big issues of the day. For starters, I'm way too extreme for the vast majority of Colorado voters. Congressional Quarterly once wrote that, "On the rare occasions when Schaffer departs from the GOP leadership line, it is to stake out an even more conservative position." That should give you a good idea of just how far out of touch I'd be if I ever made it to the US Senate.

As if that weren't enough, I've been a huge backer of President George W. Bush. I backed his risky plan to privatize Social Security in 2001 and 2004. And when it comes to the war in Iraq, I've been a cheerleader for Bush's failed policies from day one. I support the war in Iraq so unequivocally that I've actually said that "My one and only regret is that so much emphasis was placed on the weapons of mass destruction." Aside from that, I can't think of anything else Bush has done wrong!

There's lots of great info on my radical right-wing positions in the Issues section. Did you know I'm one of only nine Representatives to vote against the Aviation Security Act, which called for 100% inspection of checked bags and more law enforcement officers at U.S. airports? Or how about that I oppose potentially life-saving stem cell research so vehemently that I once compared it to Nazi torture? Or that I think it’s ok to campaign at a school that bans interracial dating? I bet you didn't, but that kind of important issue information is what this site is for.

So come on in and take a look around at this new Web site. You won't find any of these issues on my real Web site, but thanks to the Democrats you can find out where I really stand here.

- Bob Schaffer